Here are four basic, but key points/principles on which we base our approach to dealing with difficult, angry and abusive customers, and take from The Defusing Hostile Customers Workbook, 3rd Edition.
- While we would like people to like us, and not be angry with us, if we choose this as a goal, we are bound to be disappointed. We try to make our customers happy, but the truth is that many government jobs involve giving bad news that is going to make people unhappy.
- Anger is a feeling that belongs to the other person. It’s impossible to stop a person from having feelings. Hostile and abusive behavior is another story. We want to focus our defusing efforts on reducing the amount of hostile verbal and nonverbal behavior. That is a realistic goal.
- In a later chapter, we will flesh out the notion that abusive behavior is about control. The hostile or abusive person is trying to manipulate and control you and your decision?making. We want to make sure we don’t allow this, and later we will discuss how to “countercontrol”.
- We need to provide some leeway for people to express their anger, provided the expressions are not demeaning, insulting or manipulative. If we react to every four letter word, twitch, or raised voice, we will go nuts, and we won’t be very good at defusing the abusive situations.
