Campaign Makeover: Simple Changes Increase Email Response by 25 Percent

I received an email recently from Kevin Payne, Senior Director of Field Marketing at customer service software provider [24]7. Kevin writes:

“Below is one of our most successful email campaigns. We’re getting ready for a second broadcast and after reading one of your recent blog posts, I can already think of at least one thing that we could do better. What would you change?”

Click on the first thumbnail at right to see Kevin’s original campaign. Here was my advice:

“That first paragraph is really long, and it’s one long statement of fact, as different from a call to action. Plus it doesn’t mention the offer. I would a) break it up into 2 paragraphs at minimum, and 2) tie the copy back to the offer in action-oriented terms, as in: “In a new white paper from Forrester, learn how …”

“Think about 2-3 bullets in the form of key selling points, preceded by “Download this compelling white paper today, and you’ll discover:” or words to that effect. This could also be a way to break up the first paragraph (see above.)”

“Dump the button at the top right (I find it redundant) and replace it with another button, perhaps below the offer image, that is more action-oriented (i.e. with a label that reads “Download Now” or similar.)”

A few days later, Kevin responded with the results:

“Based on your input, I made the following changes to the Forrester campaign:

1. Shortened body copy text.
2. Added bullets to emphasize key learnings.
3. Clarified the call to action.
4. Added a “Download Now” button.

The results were significant. Both click-through and response rate increased by 25 percent, even though the previous campaign had been one of our top performers. The number of leads was so impressive it gained the attention of Executive Staff. Thanks again for your advice!”

The revised email can be seen in the second thumbnail to the right. Thanks to Kevin and [24]7 for being willing to share the results!