Klout says I’m a Klout Addict because I have visited Klout only seven times. And they want me to believe anything else they have to say after that?
Woo Hoo.
Klout says I have a score of 49, that I am a specialist and influence 2,000 regarding 13 topics. Top of the list? Analytics. OK, good. But #4 is the New York Times. If 2,000 people look to me for information about the NY Times, the world is going to Hell in a hand basket much faster than previously projected.
Klout says I am influenced by a bunch of people, some of whom I don’t recognize at all.
I’ve been added to 25 Lists, my Amplification score is 13 and I’ve received 100 +K’s. This feels a lot like when the doctor tells me my cholesterol numbers, “Is that OK?” is my usual response. As long as she says, “Yes,” then I don’t pay any further attention. I do not know what my numbers should be. They have no impact on my life or life style.
Twitalyzer says my average Twitalyzer Impact score in the last 30 days is 5.1% which puts me in the 90th percentile of all Twitter users. The relativity quotient makes me feel much better. Scoring 49 out of 100 Kout points feels like my spelling grades in elementary school. But being in the 90th percentile – well – wait until I tell my wife!
Twitalyzer then goes on to say that I am, “classified as a (sic) Everyday User (having a small circle of influence but great potential.)” Great potential? Sounds like my guidance counselor in high school. Twitalyzer then claims that I frequently talk about advertising, (Yup), analytics (Oh, yes) and baseball (Wait – what??).
PeerIndex gives me an index of 46. Was it something I said? My PeerIndex Topic Fingerprint looks like somewhat floral with my emphasis on BIZ, TEC and LIF. LIF? As in LIF, the UNVRS and EVRYTNG?
Kred gives me 745 out of 1,000 for Influence. I like this score. Plus, they let me increase my score by adding in frequent flyer account numbers, club memberships, higher education degrees… Haven’t they heard of Linked In?
If I wanted to improve my Twitalyzer score, I’d just call up my good friend @erictpeterson who, among many other achievements, created Twitalyzer back in 2009.
All of the above might be useful if I’m having trouble getting a reservation at The Palms Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas or if I want discounts or free offers just for having a lot of followers and appear to be influential.
Gaming the social influence systems is exactly like gaming Google. You can pay Social Media Optimization back hatters who have a secret sauce, a black box and classified docs that guarantee you influence will grow an extra nine inches overnight.
Or you can use the same method that has proven itself year in and year out with Google – be as human as they strive to be.
This all came to me because of Dean Shaw. No, not the Senior Digital Marketing Project Manager at SAS Institute, I mean the visionary, thought leader, and Twizzler enthusiast tweeting as @deanshaw. OK, so they’re the same guy, but wearing very different hats.
Dean created the 2012 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tournament wherein he and he alone determines the tweetworthiness of multiple brackets of contenders based on
quality of tweeting, value of information offered, originality, with negative points awarded for general Twitter douchbaggery. For more information on what constitutes Twitter douchebaggery, review my ‘Complete List of 25 Tweert Types
I made it into the second round through heaven’s knows what amounts of luck, pluck and pure chance. That, and the fact that my opponents may not even have been aware of the contest. Who knows?
As of this writing, I am head to head with @spikejones. Am I worried that Spike knows everything there is to know about Klout alchemy and Kred Voodoo? Am I losing sleep because Spike has a masterful Twitter style and an infinite amount of tweet time? Not at all. But I am quaking in my boots because Spike was the 2011 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tournament winner.
It was not (solely) based on number of tweets or mentions or RT’s or RT’s by well the known. (Aside – a friend of mine (Hello Michele) was recently retweeted by one of those socially famous people and I was momentarily seized by a frozen finger of fear of being left behind.)
Spike won last year’s contest because Dean Shaw liked his tweets!
This contest hands the players a unique gift – we know who our audience is. We can read Dean Shaw’s writings and get a feel for his sense of humor. We can create a market segment persona of ONE.
And that, my friends, is the secret to LIF, the UNIVRS and EVRYTNG not to mention getting ranked higher on Google.
If you act like a human who is trying to influence humans, you will be in great shape as the search engines and ranking systems out there get better at figuring out how to rank humans higher than those who are just good at gaming algorithms that try to rank humans.
So remember boys and girls, it’s all about quality, not quantity.
It’s not how long you make it, it’s how you make it long.
OK, OK… I admit that quoting a cigarette commercial is a new low, even for me.
But remember this: If your audience is an algorithm, you’re definitely doing it wrong.
