If you’re in the enviable position of being overwhelmed with too many talented sales candidates responding to your job postings, here are some ad writing tips that will help curb the deluge:
1. Be utterly unremarkable. Don’t include anything in your ad that appears different or new. Mention your “leading-edge products”, your 100% satisfied customers, that people are your greatest asset, and that you are best at being best.
2. Obfuscate the Sales part of the job. Instead, use jingly titles such as Customer Advocate, Client Consultant, or Retail Associate.
3. Use euphemisms like these:
“Hunters wanted.”
What it means: “Our marketing and sales teams still work in silos, so lead gen is up to you.”
“Must be a self-starter.”
What it means: “Our Sales VP is a mediocre leader.”
“Able to work independently.”
What it means: “Don’t expect him or her to support or mentor you, either.”
“No limit on earnings.”
What it means: “You’ll get little or no base salary.”
“Must be comfortable multi-tasking in a fast-paced environment.”
What it means: “We operate in crisis mode, 24/7.”
4. Be pompous and self-satisfied. Cite every accolade your company has received, including your “Top 50 Start-up” from 2008, and last year’s “Hot 100 Management Team.” You’ll attract similar-minded narcissists.
5. Include a long list of obscure, jargon-laden position requirements, but be opaque about the position benefits. If you’re not sure what to write, use this handy B.S. generator (I tried it. It works quite well: “credibly evisculate best-of-breed content.”) Above all, avoid mentioning anything about professional development or if you have them, unique advantages they’ll discover working for your company.
Instead, if you prefer a refreshing, honest, and informative style for your sales job postings, here’s an outline I adapted from one I recently read:
1. “Our company is looking for someone who . . .”
2. “Here’s what you’ll be doing most days . . .”
3. “We will measure on how well you . . . .”
4. “Here are some reasons this job might not appeal to you . . .”
5. “. . . And a few things about this job you’re likely to crave . . .”
Note: thanks to Mike Schmidtmann at 4-Profit for inspiring me with the idea, and for much of the content.
