CBM News: Survey Says Big Firms Ditch, SMBs Cling to CRM in Down Economy


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And a fine howdy-do to you too, good morning and welcome to Radio CBM 98.6, all Rod Stewart all the time and the pride of East Weehauken.

First up on the news this morning is that branded mobile entertainment company PlayPhone is using the customer care software of Fuze Digital to reduce the need for assisted service on its own Web site as well as those of its partners.

PlayPhone’s in the business of selling personalization and entertainment content to mobile consumers, clients include Wal-Mart, BET Networks, ABC Television, National Geographic and Adult Swim, and you can see why they’d want to cut down on the calls, I bet they’ve got six operators alone dedicated to telling people sorry, no, we don’t know anyone who can get you U2 tickets.

PlayPhone officials claim the company “founded the direct-to-consumer mobile media distribution standard in 2003,” shortly after noted global warming hysterist Al Gore founded the Internet.

Seeking to dispel what he calls the “myth” that hardcore Star Trek fans don’t have a life outside of the show, Leonard F. Winklehopper, president of the Los Angeles Star Trek Fan Club, blasted critics of the franchise’s fans as “ignorant of reality.” Trekkies are, in fact, “as normal and diverse a cross-section of American society as you can find,” he said from his makeshift camp in front of the Brentwood Cineplex, which will screen the new Star Trek movie in five days.

Predictive marketing vendor [x+1] has announced “continued strong growth” for both its media and Web site optimization products in the first quarter of 2009, as total revenue increased more than 90 percent over the first quarter of 2008, according to company CFO Y=(4-x).

The number of clients using [x+1]’s stuff grew by 70 percent between Q1 2008 and Q1 2009, indicating that the revenue growth is attributable to both an increase spend from existing accounts as well as clients who figured out that the company’s name isn’t a math textbook misprint.

The vendor’s predictive response models are designed to let advertisers and agencies “reach the right audiences with the right messages,” says John Train A Leaves The Station at 5:30 And Goes East At 30 Miles An Hour Nardone, chairman and CEO of [x+1]. The company’s products are supported by its Predictive Optimization Engine, which uses mathematical models to make segmentation and targeting decisions on Web sites and in external media campaigns as well as spit out company names.

In politics Vice President “Slow” Joe Biden, after warning people not to fly, take trains or subways due to swine flu concerns, was sent on what White House officials described as a “long-planned” fact-finding mission to Outer Mongolia. President Barack Obama dismissed the timing as “coincidental.”

TenderWarehouse, a British online auction service, would like you to know that it “actively safeguards all its customers against fraudulent work by rogue mechanics.”

“‘At’s right, we’ve had enough of engines being replaced when a bloke takes the car in for an oil change,” says company CEO Nigel Crumpet.

Its customers can post any issue they have with their car online, safe in the knowledge that local, rated mechanics will give them impartial and considered advice, in addition to quotes. If they use an untraceable screen name they can also probably avoid garage enforcers beating their brains out with tire irons.

British newspaper The Telegraph reported that the UK national average in 2008 for car repairs was a staggering £76 per hour, with Londoners typically paying around £94 per hour, and that Prince Harry was carrying Satan’s love child. “Worryingly,” TenderWarehouse officials say, “prices are predicted to increase further, and Prince Harry’s girlfriend is suspicious.”

In a tremendous boost to the late-night comedian monologue industry, Los Angeles Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez tested positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, described by ESPN as a women’s fertility drug “typically used by steroid users to restart their body’s natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle” and widely regarded as a sexual performance booster. Disgraced New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez reportedly sent him a thank-you note for “getting me off the front page.”

An “overwhelming proportion” of financial directors and managers from big companies like the idea of throwing more resources into prospecting for new business instead of nurturing existing customers, a survey from Britain’s Lloyd James Group has found.

“Quantity, not quality,” one executive told the survey. “Jaw-dropping promos and you can pretty much turn your contact center into a broom closet. Just get ’em in the door as fast as you can.”

The data products vendor found that 79 percent of respondents from companies with 250-1,000 employees and 70 percent of those at businesses with more than 1,000 employees want to boost investment in prospecting while cutting spend on CRM activities, but that only 42 percent of respondents from businesses with 1-10 employees and 49 percent of those from companies with 11-50 employees supported the idea.

“If they’d like me to come over and do their lawns for them I’d be glad to,” a worried CEO of a small business told the survey. “Here’s my home number.”

NetSuite has announced that Suntech America, a unit of Suntech Power Holdings, has gone live on NetSuite‘s CRM and ERP.

Suntech officials say the move gives the company “the platform it needs” to manage its nationwide network of solar power dealer-installers, and that it has simplified its chart of accounts preparation from a week-long administrative chore to a single-click report.

Its advocates hope that solar energy is on the verge of rapid growth in the U.S. Suntech America believes it can make solar power an everyday reality in American homes and workplaces. It also believes the Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl this year, that Congress “knows what it’s doing” and that American Idol isn’t rigged.

That’s the show for today, we’re off to audition for the play him off, keyboard cat.

David Sims
David Sims Writing
David Sims, a professional CRM writer since the last century, is an American living in New Zealand because "it's fun calling New Yorkers to tell them what tomorrow looks like."


  1. Funny stuff David, but I must say that we at Fuze were all bummed that you failed to mention our claim as the inventor of the first and only knowledge base technology that is not ignorant. In fact, one of our knowledge bases recently scored higher on an IQ test than Rush Limbaugh 3 times in a row. OK, ok, we need to take on a bigger challenge than Rush to validate our contention!

    Chuck Van Court
    President and founder of Fuze

    Community knowledge bases are just smarter


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