And it’s a pleasant good morning to you from Radio CBM 98.6, the Voice of the Tri-State area, all Jimmy Buffett all the time, sailing in on those cool tropical breezes with the news that matters to youze:
The Band From Bozeman, RightNow Technologies, has announced support for the U.S. Army Training Support Center, providing “timely and consistent Army training support to soldiers and civilians anytime, anywhere, via phone, Web, and e-mail.”
According to ATSC officials, “more than 300 agents and subject matter experts in 33 Army centers and schools support military and civilian training programs with information around self-development, institutional and operational training and training support.”
So let me get this straight — RightNow’s supporting the Army’s efforts to support programs training people to provide support. Maybe before outsourcing this project to RightNow the Army should have accepted bids from Playtex, Nu Bra and Jockey as well.
What’s next on the wires here in Margaritaville… there’s a study just released by database marketing and consumer insight firm KDB finding that people holding corporate purse strings accept that marketing and insight is vital to surviving the downturn.
More than four out of five finance directors — we’re quoting here, folks — in the United Kingdom believe that by investing more in marketing and customer analysis during the current downturn, companies are more likely to enjoy a competitive advantage during a recovery period. The fifth one recommended taking it all down to the track and putting it on Lucky Dan.
The survey found that 84 percent of respondents across the UK believe that “strengthening investment in marketing and customer insight” during the current downturn would benefit firms in the long run. Other responses included “hiring a witch doctor to turn our competitors into goats,” “getting into online porn” and “running around screaming and flapping my arms until President Obama authorizes a billion-dollar bailout.”
In politics, Treasury Secretary Timothy “The Tax Check’s In The Mail. Honest” Geithner, after his disastrous Senate hearings where he admitted that his plan for the banking crisis is “prayer,” called for more governmental control of the U.S. financial system, promising skeptics that “sooner or later I’ll, um, y’know, figure out something to do.”
Congressional Democrats applauded the move, proclaiming that Comrade Geithner’s bold takeover of the American financial industry is “the latest victory of the proletariat against the bourgeois capitalist pigs in creating a true worker’s paradise.”
Siperian, developer of a master data management platform, has announced the availability of Siperian Business Data Director, a Web-based data governance application for Siperian MDM Hub. It basically lets users create, consume, manage, and monitor master data.
“The business as a whole suffers when data is not managed properly and made available to the right users at the right time,” said Jill Dyché, partner and co-founder of Baseline Consulting, and friends, it’s hard to argue with that. I want Jill’s job.
The press release issued by the Siperianites says the product “allows only the appropriate owner to create, review, and approve the data before it can be consumed in a secure manner by the entire organization.” That line has since been found to appear in the early manuscripts of George Orwell’s novel 1984.
In sports what used to be March Madness has degenerated into the dreary plod of the top seeds to the Same Old Sixteen and Ennui Eight. Honestly, the North Korean People’s Parliament’s “votes” contain more suspense than this tournament, which has been about as much fun to watch as a funeral procession.
On the other hand, the guys who seeded this tournament have done such a good job maybe they should be running the economy, too.
ABD3, which earns bread as “enablers of real life social networking for today’s mobile consumer,” has announced the availability of the YellowPin social lifestyle tool.
Launching first on Facebook, it “pinpoints each person exactly where they are,” it’s not “a 100-yard guesstimate,” and communicates the activity a person is engaging in, “rather than just longitude and latitude coordinates.”
Yea verily, according to the YellowPinners, the product “aggregates friends’ activity to give a user a clearer view of their social landscape,” and “gives users a guide to the activities their friends are engaging in around them, providing different options for social interaction.”
Basically users can update friends or groups on where they are and what they are doing at any given moment, and use a mobile phone to mark their location. YellowPin officials say they will never publicize any personal information, and will not use GPS or satellite technology to track your movements. Honest. Cross their hearts and hope to die, stick a yellow pin in their eye.
As the finest journalist the world has seen since Edward R. Murrow wrote for TMC, “You must admit, it’s a worthy goal: Transforming online socializing into in-person interactions for people who want to expand and connect their online network to real life activities. Is this reporter the only one who sees the subtle irony of that being accomplished via an online network tool?”
That’s the show for today, we’re off to eat one burger for lunch. Just one.
